Movie Morals: Snow White And The Seven Dwarves
by PookietoyourMaureen
Summary: Ever wondered what a movie was trying to tell you? Fear no more! Find out what significance Snow White and The Seven Dwarves holds to parents, employers, girls, boys, aspiring doctors, and everyone in between! Just clicky-clicky, and you'll find your way.
1. For Girls, Boys, and Everyone

For Everyone

-When you are afraid of someone, make them work as a Scullery Maid.

-Mirrors don't lie.

-Standing by a wishing well is scandalous.

-Singing to yourself and waiting for a reply isn't 'crazy'.

-Birds can cry.

-Always take the advice of a man who was just about to kill you.

-Petting wild animals is a good, safe pastime.

-If you're pretty, communicating with animals doesn't make you a lonely person.

-If you knock twice on a stranger's door, and nobody answers within 1.4seconds, assume no one is home. Proceed to enter.

-Leave your doors unlocked.

-Peering into a stranger's home is perfectly acceptable if you intend to live there. Especially if they don't know your planning on living there.

-Let wild animals into a stranger's home.

-It is okay to call short, special ed. midgets 'Dopey'.

-You should always assume a mess involving a pickax was made be a group of children.

-Orphans make messes.

-Wild animals will not poop indoors.

-It is okay to invite yourself to live at someone's house, as long as you get a menagerie of wild animals to clean it before you meet the house owners.

-Animals will come and bend to your will if you sing pretty.

-Having animals do people-chores is not animal cruelty.

-Deer saliva is sanitary.

-It is okay to use a deer as a laundry rack.

-Old people are mean.

-Ugly people should be the first people you suspect of being evil.

-Apples are evil-they don't keep the doctor away.

-Hang the key right next to the door it opens, in plain veiw.

-Never mind the poor turtle.

-It's perfectly alright to make fun of children's names.

-Animals running away does not mean danger in the slightest.

-Cleanliness is 'dirty work'.

-Always send the special one to look at the unknown horror.

-Always wash before dinner!

-Laugh before asking if someone is okay.

-Water is wet.

-Rhyme about everything.

-A;ways make someone do something they don't want to if you think it should be done.

-Drugs help everything!-And make you look and sound old!

-Fruit is bad for your health.

-Tell strangers you're home alone.

-Do not stand on cliffs.

-Whatever you do-Don't move on with your life if you've found a pretty girl (or boy. Whatever mines your diamonds.)

-Dwarves are violent.

For Girls

-If you have troubles at home, go into the woods and live with seven lonely old men you've never met before.

-Size DOES matter.

-Just sleep and look pretty. Let the guys do all the work.

-It is okay to lead on seven older men who are technically a different species.

-If a man doesn't like you, ask God to make him like you. Especially if you don't want to go out with him.

-The men will save you. Or at least get revenge.

-Finding someone to marry is everything.

For Boys

-If you have troubles at home, go into the woods and live with seven lonely old men you've never met before.

-Fall in love with the pretty girl. Ignore the fact she's crazy, singing to herself, and you've never talked to her before.

-Kiss girls in comas.

-Females are Poosin!

-Staring at a sleeping girl isn't creepy.

-Don't mind the seven men guarding the girl of your dreams, even if they're holding pickaxes. It'll score you extra points.


	2. For Parents and Witches

For Parents

-Don't remarry. You think you're in love, and then your new spouse gets all 'Oooo, your children are better looking' and tries to kill them. A bit of a relationship damper, if'n yah ask me.

-Conversely, it is okay to marry a murderous witch as long as they're rich and are royalty. Then who cares about the kids?

-Don't worry if your child is old enough to wield a pickax and has never tried speaking. That's perfectly ordinary.

-Name your children according to what you want them to be like when they grow up.

-Don't name your child Dopey.

For Witches

-Always trust a mirror that doesn't reflect your face when you ask if you're fair.

-Always label your boxes, so you can keep your fair maiden hearts separate from their livers.

-Instead of using a potion to make you fairer, make yourself old and ugly and murder everyone fairer than you.

-Arguing with a magic mirror will always work, seeing as, you know, you totally know oh so much more than it.

-Birds make good company.


	3. For Doctors, Employers, and Short People

For Aspiring Doctors

-Pig hearts look exactly like human hearts.

For Employers

-Always employ short people to do jobs with pickaxes.

For Short People

-Always assume the worst.


End file.
